I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
