i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
