I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Randomize
