If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize