They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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