After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
smell my finger.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
