4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
