Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
