you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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