mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
