Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
