Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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