We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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