That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
A bitchslap is in order.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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