I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
