I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
