yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i love accidental penises.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
