what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
this is an emotional support booty call
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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