There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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