We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
