Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
