i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
