Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
