Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
