I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
