I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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