Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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