Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
