I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
