Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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