she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
