My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
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