i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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