I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
