Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
