Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
