Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
