I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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