There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
