I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
