I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Randomize
