You really coming over, don't trick.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I think weed is turning my hair brown
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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