What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
