Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
