You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
