I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
