I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
