This dress was meant to end up on your floor
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
