Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
When did we convert life to cartoon?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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