Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize