Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
