I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
