dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
