I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
