I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
i think my cat just said my name.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize