this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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