all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Houston, we have a squirter
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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