I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
