he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize