don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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