I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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