Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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