Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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