I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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