Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Randomize
