I'm gonna have a badass scar
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
