New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
