so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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