The maid of honor just puked.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
