Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
