the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Randomize
