Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
