i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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