Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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