make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
