4 words: hood of his car
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
