Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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