Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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