I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize