R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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