i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
