these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
handjob tips. give me some.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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