How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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