why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize