The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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