drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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