how can u be prego again
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Randomize