I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
